he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
