I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
