marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
