Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
