We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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