My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
