My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
