does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
