You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
