I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
