i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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