so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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