i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
