i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
