Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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