i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
