I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
