I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
