Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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