its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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