i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
