Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
