Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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