I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
