called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
not ubering you a puppy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
