fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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