Who did Billy Mays play for?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
