Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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