I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
