5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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