It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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