So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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