dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
