I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
