So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
