Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm at about main and main street
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
