Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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