Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
