My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
