all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
