You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
