At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
