Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
