you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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