I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
