just come out here and I will go home with you...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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