i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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