You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
