kristin has been a bad kristin
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
