Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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