My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
