He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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