I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
its liver damage thursday
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
