Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize