It's like God shit irony all over that family
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
