He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just gargled with NyQuil
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
