I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
