thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
