dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
