I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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