i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
