About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
