The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
