you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize