Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never let your siblings swipe right.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
