I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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